I want to make a zoo with you.
the condom got lost in my hair
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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