I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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