She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
