does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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