Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Come share oat with me in your robe
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
