I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
