I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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