I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
