btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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