it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
