Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
