I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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