I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize