You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
