cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
