so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
