He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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