Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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