My boss' voice literally gives me gas
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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