Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize