What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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