She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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