So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
