Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
