If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
