The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
