I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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