That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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