had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
