Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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