Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
