I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
