My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
