You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
