i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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