Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
