i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
