I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
