So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hippo gnu deer
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
