Do vagina's smell?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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