Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
