Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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