The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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