I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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