Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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