Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
