Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
