guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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