i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
