Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
