I think my fart just growled at me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
