Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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