I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
