Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
