Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And then he peed in my hair
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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