My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
