I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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