i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
