i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
