I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
They took my balls.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
