you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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