i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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