dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
