Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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