I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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