My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
