I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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