Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
