I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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