haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize