my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
