Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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