I feel great
I just peed on a car
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You pole danced in your parka.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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