She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
