Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
