he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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