Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
