I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
