Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
