i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
