I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
