Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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