My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
