there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
