Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
