I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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