i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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