I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
