apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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